"Whipping Thomas"

A winter’s day
A frigid farm
The livestock cried and shuddered
The milk that fed
The local town
Was frozen in the udders

A young farmhand
Of sturdy build
Approached the frosty barn
Scratched his head
Rolled up his sleeve
And oiled his hefty arm

Walking softly
From behind
He surprised a cow named Lefty
His arm went in
And out with zeal
Ever faster and intensely

His arm went in
And out with zest
Like a butter churn possessed
He moved so fast
‘twas all a blur
He could not stop, he was obsessed

As friction built
The quick farmhand
Called to his sister Annie
“The cow has warmed!
The ice is thawed!
Bring a pail and park your fanny!”

She took one udder
In her hand
And tugged with gentle force
But what came out
Was stiff yet soft
Like snowdrifts on the moors

This was not milk
Nor any draught
A frothy white made for a spoon
It did not freeze
It did not melt
It gratified, this village boon

A frenzy had created this
Pure passion attached to a fist

The boy collapsed, a lifeless heap
Annie dropped the cream and began to weep

"My Singing Fist"

Have you heard my fist sing its lovely song
Echoing down through the valley
Have you heard my fist from the gentle first
To the crescendo of its finale
You have heard my fist’s song hummed by maidens
Daydreaming down on the mews
But there is no sound that’s quite so sweet
As when my fist sings to you

"Fare Thee Well Lámhdhéanta"

Our troop was made ready at the dawn of the day
From lovely Lámhdhéanta they were marching us away
They put us then on board a ship to cross the raging main
To fist every maiden in the sunny land of Spain

Chorus:
Fare thee well Lámhdhéanta, fare thee well for a while
And all the sore maidens of Erin's green isle
And when the fistin’s over we'll return in full bloom
And you'll all welcome home the Lámhdhéanta Dragoons

Oh Spain it is a gallant land where wine and ale flow free
There's lots of lovely women there loose between the knees
And often in a tavern there we'd make the rafters ring
When every soldier in the house would pound his fist and sing

Chorus

Well we fisted for Ireland's glory there and many a lass did fall
From flooming and from rodgering and from mouthfuls of ball
And many an ógbhean we laid low, on nights bloody and long
And as we prepared for action you would often hear this song

Chorus

Well now the fisting’s over and for home we have set sail
Our flag above this lofty ship is fluttering in the gale
Like the frocks of our wifes will quiver as their fair legs sway
And when we reach Lámhdhéanta never more we'll have to say…

Chorus

"The Meeting of the Thighs"

There is not in the wide world a valley so sweet
As that vale in whose bosom the bright thighs meet
Oh the last rays of feeling and life must be whisked
Ere the bloom of that valley shall slip from my fist
Ere the bloom of that valley shall slip from my fist

Yet it was not that nature had shed o'er the scene
Her purest of yogurt and whitest of cream
'Twas not her soft toes or dirty round knees
Oh No 'twas something that lay in between
Oh No 'twas something that lay in between

'Twas that friends, the belov'd of my bosom were near
Who made every scene of enchantment more dear
And who felt how the deepest caverns improve
When we see them filled with a hand full of love
When we see them filled with a hand full of love

Sweet cleft of Suzannah! How calm could I rest
In thy thicket of shade, with the friends I love best
Where the storms that we feel in this cold world should cease
And my hands, and thy thighs, be mingled in peace
And my hands, and thy thighs, be mingled in peace

"Give Me Your Clench'd Hand"

Just give me your clench’d hand,
Tabhair dom do teann lámh.
Just give me your clench’d hand
And I'll fly with you,
O’er the streets of our land,
O’er the mountains so grand.
If you give me your clench’d hand.
Just give me your clench’d hand,
And lie alongside me.
Will you give me your clench’d hand,
And the world it can see,
That we can be free,
In peace and harmony?
From the north to the south.
From the east to the west.
Every mountain, every valley,
Every bush and bird’s nest!

Just give me your clench’d hand,
Tabhair dom do teann lámh.
Just give me your clench’d hand,
For the world it is ours.
All the sea and the land,
To destroy or command,
If you give me your clench’d hand.
Just give me your clench’d hand,
In a gesture of peace.
Will you give me your clench’d hand
And all troubles will cease,
For the strong and the weak,
For the rich and the poor?
All peoples and creeds,
Let's meet their needs.
With a passion, we can fashion,
A new world of love!

Chorus:
By day and night,
Through all struggle and strife,
To assist you, to fist you,
Forever, my love.
For love's not for one,
But for both of us to share.
For our country so fair,
For our world and what's there.

"Roll Me Over"

We've tried it once or twice
And found it rather nice

Chorus:
Roll me over lay me down and fist me again
Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and fist me again

Oh this is number one
And the fun has just begun

Oh this is number two,
Down in front he's comin through

Oh this is number three
And his fist is by me knee

Oh this is number four
And he's been there twice before

Oh this is number five
I'm surprised I'm still alive

Oh this is number six,
And his fist is doin tricks

Well this is number seven,
And he took me straight to heaven

Oh this is number eight,
He bent me o'er the garden gate

Oh this is number nine,
And the baby's doin fine

Oh this is number ten,
And when he's through we'll do it again

Optional verse for the extra-fingered:
Oh this is number eleven
and it's just like number seven

"Fisting You're the Divil"

Fisting you're the divil, you're leading me astray
Over hills and mountains and to Amerikay
You're sweeter, stronger, dacenter
You're firmer than clay
Oh fisting you're me darlin' drunk or sober

Oh, now brave boys are on campaign
Marching off to Portugal and Spain
Drums are beating, banners fly
The divil a home we'll come tonight
Oh, love fare thee well
With me tiddery idle loodle lum a da
Me tiddery idle loodle lum a da
Me right fol torral addee o
There's fisting in the air

Said the mother do not wrong me
Don't take me daughter from me
For if you do I will torment you
And after death me ghost will haunt you
Love fare thee well
With me tiddery idle loodle lum a da
Me tiddery idle loodle lum a da
Me right fol torral addee o
There's fisting in the air

Now the French are fightin' bouldly
Men are dying hot and couldly
Give each man armour to protect his fist
And may ev'ry lass at home get her wish
Love fare thee well
With me tiddelly idle loodle lum a da
Me tiddery idle loodle lum a da
Me right fol torral addee o
There's fisting in the air

"The Statue"

A month of rain on our sleepy town
Many crops and livestock drowned
But then the sun thrust through the air
A beam shone on the village square

The sun revealed the unexpected
A mystery had been erected
In village square, right in our midst
A statue of a giant fist

Of gold so shiny and brilliant bright
It hurt to look at, but what a sight!
Three hundred cubits tall it stood
Towering o’er the neighborhood

It entered town one rainy night
Then disappeared from human sight
Oh giant fist, we loved ye so!
Oh giant fist, where did ye go?

At first the town was gripped with fear
But those who dared to venture near
Found themselves no longer frightened
But comforted and some enlightened

A scaffolding was then constructed
Experiments and tests conducted
Debates were held about the fist
To answer how it could exist

Those who touched it, to their delight
Learned to see a different light
The “who” and “why” they would transcend
And just accept it in the end

It entered town one rainy night
Then disappeared from human sight
Oh giant fist, we loved ye so!
Oh giant fist, where did ye go?

The town was thriving with revival
But forty nights from its arrival
The village felt a mighty quake
The fist was gone without a trace

After it left, ten years of rain
We never saw that fist again
Yet every year, the ground still shakes
And those asleep are shocked awake

Thou shalt not worship ye false gods
Or face the wrath of Aaron’s rod
But what if that fist all adored
Was no idol, but our true Lord?

It entered town one rainy night
Then disappeared from human sight
Oh giant fist, we loved ye so!
Oh giant fist, where did ye go?

"My Wild Irish Fist"

My Wild Irish Fist,
Did whatever it wished,
I tried to stop it,
But had to lop it,
Goodbye, My Wild Irish Fist.

My Wild Irish Fist,
Ne’er thought I would have missed,
But the lasses stopped callin’,
Now I sit here a ballin’,
Oh why, My Wild Irish Fist?

"Ceallachan's Secret"

Young Seamus from Keech saw a girl with a peach
and a limp like a three-legged swine
He took her back to his place
and straightened out her spine

For a fist and a beer and a bucket of fish,
a monkey, some straw and a broom
are the secret, ancient wisdom
to cure the stiffest rheaume!

Then there's Danny from down by the Galloway Sound
and his sister, the local town mute
He let her know the secret
and the whole town heard her shout

For a fist and a beer and a bucket of fish,
a monkey, some straw and a broom
are the secret, ancient wisdom
to make any woman swoon!

Now Clancy's poor face was quite a disgrace
It was covered with green open sores
Yet every bonnie lass in town
comes aknocking at his door

For a fist and a beer and a bucket of fish,
a monkey, some straw and a broom
are the secret, ancient wisdom
to make any man a groom!

O a fist and a beer and a bucket of fish,
a monkey, some straw and a broom
are the secret, ancient wisdom
to make any man a groom!

"The Dewy Fist"

Oh, a wan cloud was drawn o'er the dim weeping dawn
As to Shannon's side I return'd at last
And the drum in my fist for the girl I lov'd best
Was beating, ah, beating, loud and fast!
While the doubts and the fears of the long aching years
Seem'd mingling their voices with the moaning flood
Till full in my path, like a wild water wrath
My true love's shadow lamenting stood.
But the sudden sun kiss'd the cold, cruel mist
Into dancing show'rs of diamond dew
And the dark flowing stream laugh'd back to his beam
And the lark soared aloft in the blue
While no phantom of night but a form of delight
Ran with legs outspread to her darling boy
And the girl I love best on my wild throbbing fist
Hid her thousand treasures with cry of joy.

And the girl I love best on my wild throbbing fist
Hid her thousand treasures with cry of joy.

"The Fisticorn"

A long time ago when the Earth was green,
There was more kinds of animals then you've ever seen.
And they'd run around free while the world was being born.
The loveliest of all was the Fisticorn!
 
There was green alligators and long necked geese,
Hump back camels and chimpanzees.
Cats and rats and elephants but sure a you're born,
The loveliest of all was the Fisticorn!

But the Lord seen some sinnin' and it caused him pain.
He says, "Stand back, I'm gonna make it rain.
So hey, Brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do.
Go and build me a floating zoo.

You'll take two alligators and a couple of geese,
Two hump back camels and two chimpanzees.
Two cats, two rats, two elephants but as sure as you're born,
Noah, don't you forget my fisticorns!

Well, Noah looked out through the drivin' rain,
And saw the fisticorns that had caused him much pain.
They were fistin' and a-splashin' while the rain was pourin',
Oh them foolish fisticorns.

So you take two alligators and a couple of geese,
Two hump back camels and two chimpanzees.
Two cats, two rats, two elephants but as sure as you're born,
Noah, don't you forget my fisticorns.

And the the ark started movin' and it drifted with the tide,
And the fisticorns looked up from the rock and cried.
And the water came up and sort of floated them away,
That's why you've never seen a fisticorn to this day.

You'll see a lot of alligators and a whole mess of geese,
You'll see hump back camels and chimpanzees
You'll see cats and rats and elephants but as sure as you're born,
You're never gonna see no fisticorn

"In Pop-pop's Howling Cavern"

My Uncle Zeph was tellin’ tales inside a musty tavern
That’s when I first heard of the place called Pop-pop’s Howling Cavern
He told me what I tell you now, so let this be your warning
Beware the cave and all therein, lest morrow be your mourning

O! Hiddley hoodley dark and brown

Fistelly foolery don’t go down!

Now Pop-pop’s cave tain't hard to find but can be hard to enter
Beyond the oak you’ll find two rocks just walk right down the center
Along the ridge and through the reeds, you’ll smell it ‘fore you see it
Follow the breeze down to the hole where Pop-pop’s old banshee lives

O! Hiddley hoodley drink another down

Fistelly foolery never leave town!

The hole is small but opens up as if it’s glad to see you
But don’t you dare climb down that rift or surely you will be through
Instead just reach your arm inside but don’t go any deeper
For living in the darkest part’s a man named Mister Reaper

O! Hiddley hoodley dark and brown

Fistelly foolery don’t go down!

Just inside you’ll touch some wooden dowels that feel like tools
Make no mistake those implements are bones of many fools
They rustle in the wind and make a sound like distant scraping
The chalky howl of skeletons with no hope of escaping

O! Hiddley hoodley drink another down
Fistelly foolery never leave town!

So why would one go in a cave that’s evil through and through?
Old Zeph once felt a bar of gold engraved with No. 2.
He yanked it out and brushed it off and sure enough it glittered
But that was not a 2 – it was a Z with other letters
Next to the Z, an E, a P, and sure enough an H
And then the word “deceased” was written with that very date

O! Hiddley hoodley golden brown
Fistelly foolery don’t go down!

Zeph cut his story short and wiped a tear from his pale face
Said he and his dear Pop-pop died here in this very place
He leaned in close and said “You see, this is our family tavern”
Then grabbed my wrist and took me down to Pop-pop’s Howling Cavern

O! Hiddley hoodley choke one down
Fistelly foolery a-comin to town!

"Upon the Lawn With Annie"

I met a red-haired lass there on the grass of Dublin Lees
Her name was Buttered Annie; She had grass stains on her knees
She said are you a man then take this hand and let me see
If you can warm the icy heart found deep inside of me

Oh Annie love, Annie dear
I couldn’t reach your heart
I tried up to my elbows
And that was just the start

Oh Annie dear, Annie love
Won’t you come back I pray
I tried up to my shoulders
You simply slipped away

"Finnegan Outagan"

Finnegan was a man, mighty strange
Not known for givin' his proper goodbyes
Worked for the post but smelled of grain
Would ha' been sacked but for his size

CHORUS:
O Finnegan Outagan, back to work!
Got no time to be a postal clerk
Down a gin, grab her shins, back to work
O Finnegan Outagan, gone beserk!

O Finnegan stood o'er 5 brats high
Fists so big they were world-renowned
Each knuckle bigger than a loaf of rye
Cracked them for e'ery young lass in town

CHORUS

Outagan passed a bird on his way to task
“Finnegan, have ye got a parcel for me?”
Rolled up his sleeves, took a sip from his flask
An’ delivered her a brown box repeatedly

CHORUS

Finnegan met a man, mighty sore
“My daughter been sloughed, and she’s but a child!”
Old Finn bolted right through the door
Shipped himself off to Derrywarragh Isle!

CHORUS